my grown up christmas list

My Grown Up Christmas List

"Do you remember me
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you
With childhood fantasies

Well, I'm all grown up now
And still need help somehow
I'm not a child
But my heart still can dream

So here's my lifelong wish
My grown up Christmas list
Not for myself
But for a world in need

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal the heart
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end oh,
This is my grown up Christmas list

As children we believed
The grandest sight to see
Was something lovely
Wrapped beneath the tree

But heaven only knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal
A hurting human soul

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
Oh, This is my grown up Christmas list

What is this illusion called the innocence of youth
Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end, oh
This is my grown up Christmas list
This is my only life long wish
This is my grown up Christmas list"

my Christmas list this year consists of a few small things like a straightener, a coat, and some clothing items. but these are all tangible items. what about the things that you can't pick up or touch? this is one of my favorite Christmas songs because it really reminds us of the idea that Christmas when we were young was all about the presents. and presents are always great, but what about the things we can't put a bow on? the things that really matter in life can never be wrapped and placed under the tree.

so here is my "grown up" Christmas list...the things I want for this year that I won't find under the tree or with a bow on top:

1. stress less about situations i find myself in
2. be happy with myself more
   
3. have my mom show her pride in me to me
4. love unconditionally
   
5. be loved unconditionally
   
6. spend more quality time with my family
7. create stronger bonds with my friends
8. let my heart be completely open to new possibilities
   
9. be more open minded in situations
10. worry less and have more fun
    

it's not quite world peace, but if i can get some of these things, i know i will be able to live a more happy and complete life. so what is your grown up Christmas list for this year? what do you want this Christmas season that can't be unwrapped on Christmas morning?

it's beginning to look a lot like christmas

every year, Christmas time at my household has been the same (not that i'm complaining). the saturday after Thanksgiving, our Christmas tree comes out of hiding and the rest of the decorations go up. it's always a special day because Grandma gets to help decorate and it's really the first day we start listening to christmas music and get into the Christmas spirit. then not much else goes on until Christmas Eve, where we attend the service at church...it's always a skit of the nativity scene which stars the entire congrigation. after that, we head home and open a present from my mom's parents which is always an ornament for each kid. That way, when we move out and have our own Christmas tree's, we will already have a collection of ornaments started. I think it's a cute idea and I hope my parents continue that tradition with my children. After opening our ornaments, we get into our pajama's and get the cookies and carrots ready for Santa and his reindeer. we can't forget to spread the magic reindeer food (oatmeal and glitter) all over the front lawn. once all of that is done, we hang the stockings over the fireplace and then hop into bed and wait for Santa to come. when i was younger, my brother and i use to wake up at 2 in the morning and go down with flashlights to examine all the presents before morning. then he would come back to my room, discuss what we thought were in the biggest packages and fall asleep in sleeping bags until 8am, when we would go down to wake up mom and dad. that tradition has stopped since we've both grown a little older, but 8am is still our wake up call for mom and dad. way too early for me, but my sister enjoys every minute of it, so i wake up for her. once mom and dad are awake, we open our stockings first, then our "Santa present", and then the rest of the presents. after all the excitment is over, we have donuts for breakfast (the only time of year when that is allowed in our household).

i love our christmas traditions. it's my favorite time of year. but i think all these years i've taken them somewhat for granted. i've forgotten that some people don't get to experience all of these things. i just learned yesterday that someone close to me never experienced all of these things. they each got one present but never did stockings or christmas music or lights. the children of the family didn't even know about stockings and that Santa put presents in those too. so this christmas, i will savor every minute of it. the music. the tree. the lights. the stockings. family. everything.

and i wish everyone a happy holiday season and that you savor every minute of yours.

stress

life has been a little stressful this semester, i'm not gonna lie. but for some crazy reason, someone decided the week before finals should be the most stressful i have felt this entire year. karma? maybe. but i don't think i've done anything that bad to deserve this kind of stress. stuff is complicated. but basically the gist of it is that i had my first disagreement with my roommates (which is now cleared up), a fight with my mother, now a fight with basically the entire family. and on top of all that....3 papers, a presentation, and a final all due this week. and 3 finals next week. fantastic.

thank goodness the school work is over and the weekend is finally here for me. everything has been cleared up except the fight with the family. and basically that just ruined my entire night. i've been on and off the phone with so many different people about it and i'm just so ready for it to stop. i want it to be cleared up soon, but with my family, i doubt that will happen. so stress...it's gonna be a big part of life for me until this one is cleared up. and of course that added stress doesn't help the stress i'm already feeling about finals. one monday. one tuesday. and one friday. and then i'm done for the semester! i can't wait.

and for my sanity....i hope this stress/drama ends soon.

for bethany

I just wanted to wish my best friend of 15 years, Bethany, a very happy 19th birthday! She's at Liberty University this year and it's the farthest/longest we've been apart. I miss her so much but I hope she has a wonderful birthday!

happy birthday!

Thanksgiving adventures

I can't believe Thanksgiving is over. The break went by too fast. It was a nice little break from classes though and it was great to spend some time with the family. Grandma (from Dad's side) flew in from New Jersey for her annual Thanksgiving trip on Saturday and stayed until Monday. It seems like a long time, but it flew by. I came home Monday night for dinner, but was home to stay starting Tuesday night. We played games and talked and it was a lot of fun.

The day of Thanksgiving, Uncle Paul came for the day, Grandma cooked the turkey (as always), Dad made the rest of the meal, and we had a lot of time to reflect on what we were thankful for. Thursday night, Grandma, Rebecca, and I left with Uncle Paul and spent the night at his house in Charlotte. It was the first time Grandma and Rebecca saw the house...and they both loved it! The rest of the family (Mom, Dad, and Ryan) came the next day. We spent the day walking around all the little shops by my uncle's house. It was nice and relaxing.

Saturday was Dad's 50th birthday!! I still can't believe it. He doesn't look (or act) anywhere near his age. But, of course, that's a good thing! We went the the North Carolina Symphony Christmas Concert in the afternoon, then Mom cooked dinner (SHOCKER, I KNOW! I'll let you in on a secret though - fresh market made it...she just had to put it in the oven lol)...chicken cordon bleu! and man was it good! After that we had a ice cream birthday cake for him which said "still nifty at 50!" I think he really enjoyed his day!

I would also like to add that it was Miss Isabella Grace Lara's 1st birthday as well on Saturday! Happy birthday sweetie!

Oh, and another quick shout out - Thank you so much Lara family for taking such good care of my baby girl. She slept like a baby last night! Kobie always loves being at your house and having little playmates, so thank you again!

I had a great break but now it's back to reality. school and finals, here I come. Unfortunately, it's another hell week for me before finals. This week I have 3 papers due (1 Wednesday and 2 Thursday), a presentation (on Wednesday), and a final (on Thursday). Wish me luck....hopefuly I'll survive. And next week starts finals. And then I'm done until Janurary! I cannot believe it!

Hope everyone else had a wonderful holiday. Now it's time to prepare for Christmas!! Yay, it's my favorite time of year!

slow down

it's monday...i can't believe it. this weekend just flew by. that's what traveling all over the place can do to one's weekend. new jersey was fun. the pictures turned out great and it was really nice to see my big, crazy, loud family. everyone has grown up so much since i last saw them (i can say that since i'm the oldest of the cousins lol). i wish i could see them more often, but it's just such a hassel trying to get up there, especially only for a weekend.

i want to thank elizabeth and dan for taking such good care of kobie this weekend. i was really worried about leaving her for the weekend since she had just had her surgery but i trusted them to watch her and make sure everything went smoothly. it did, thank goodness, but they are just great for taking on the extra responsibility of a post-op kitty. thanks guys, you're the best!

kobie isn't quite back to her normal rambunctious self just yet (recovery time is 10 days - 3 days down, 7 to go), but she's just as cuddly as ever :) we layed in bed this morning for over an hour, her on my chest, purring away. i miss those moments and i feel like i don't enjoy them as much as i should. my life is so fast paced that i don't have time to just relax and enjoy it. i need to savor the moments like these because who knows if she's going to want to do that a few months from now, or a year, or a few years down the line. i'm so lucky to have kobie in my life now. to be honest, now i can't even imagine life without her. our lives together have become so routine (and for that, i am not complaining).

i get home from class, and she's waiting right at the edge of the bed for me. i do my homework, and she's sitting right next to me, keeping me company. i'm making dinner, and she's circling my feet as i walk through the kitchen (as i try not to step on her). i put my pj's on, and she's trying to attack my feet so i play with her. she loves to play. it's great to see the amusment she gets out of chasing after feathers or a ball. and it's kinda scary, but she always knows when something's not right. if i'm upset, she comes running and stays close to me until i calm down. and it's the cutest thing, she even licks my tears when i cry.

this semester is going by so fast. next week is thanksgiving, then we have what's called "dead week" (teachers can't assign any more extra work and it's basically just a week of review in classes) and then finals. and then i'm done until january. how it went by so fast, i don't know. but i hope it slows down just a little so i can actually enjoy these amazing moments i experience.

in a nutshell

it's been a while since i last posted...i've been really bad about keeping up with this. so here are just some quick little updates.

• Mom is coming along phenomenally! even her doctor is extremely impressed with her progress which is great news.
• Halloween was ok...i guess i got over excited about it. but i brought my sister trick-or-treating and that was a lot of fun. i always enjoy doing that...even though this year she was disappointed my college friends didn't come lol (last year 4 of my friends and i went got all dressed up and went trick-or-treating with my sister and her friends)
  
• school is going pretty well although i'm still a little stressed. two weeks ago was "hell week." i had 4 tests but they all went well.
  
• along with tests - i just need to say that i got a 100 on my last physics test!!
• last week, i voted for the very first time! and it was an incredible feeling. i guess it's not a big deal after a few times, but i was really proud of myself that i had a voice for once!
• last weekend, i went to Charlotte again, which was a lot of fun. i hung out with my uncle and helped him make his house more of a home. i used a nail gun and midor saw!! we put trim up in his entryway and then i picked out the colors, and started painting! i can't wait to go back again and make even more progress.
• yesterday was my very last physics lab for the semester. i'm so relieved...one less thing i need to concentrate on. but at the same time, it's scary to think that the semester is almost over. my, how time has flown. before we know it, it will be christmas!
• next week, i have 3 tests, but then i'm basically done until finals!
• Kobie is still as cute as ever, and still growing. she's getting spayed tomorrow and i'm a little worried/sad but i'm sure she will do fine. i drop her off in the morning and pick her up in the afternoon, so my evening tomorrow will consist of cuddling and snuggling with my little girl.
• i'll be in New Jersey this weekend, and i'm super excited because i get to see all my cousins on my dad's side of the family, who i haven't seen in a very long time (it's been over a year, and probably longer). just sucks that it's only for the weekend...it will go by way too fast.

so that's about it for my life right now. i promise, i will try to get better at keeping this updated. hope everyone is doing well!!