things just got worse

If I thought last weekend was emotionally draining, I should have kept my mouth shut. The week to come only got worse. I have never felt so sad, confused, angry, hurt, upset, or betrayed. All those emotions definitely took a toll on me. This past week was really exhausting. I don't really want to get into the details but now I'm confused and don't really know what to do. I've been leaning on Veronica for help and advice. She has been awesome (once again, she does so much for me!). I was talking to her about my situation and she posed this question:

Would you rather have no friends, or friends you can't trust?

That's a tough one. And I've been thinking long and hard about it. Hopefully this will help me in deciding what to do. Again, I've never been so confused in my life.

But it was nice to get away this weekend. It was a whirlwind trip but definitely worth it. I went to NJ for my grandma's 75th birthday. We threw a surprise party, and she was REALLY surprised! I think she was glad to see my family too which was nice because we don't get to see that side of the family very often.

Now it's Monday. Back to work. Back to packing. Back to reality. Wish me luck...

Oh and just curious, to the question posed above, what is your answer?? and why?

Marylin quote

I believe everything happens for a reason.

People change so that you can learn to let go.

Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right.

You believe lies so you evenutally learn to trust no one but yourself.

And sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

~Marylin Monroe

draining weekend

this weekend has been a busy one....emotionally and physically draining. since this was the last official weekend that I will be in my apartment, a lot had to be done. I've packed up around 5 boxes already and still have more clothes and little things to pack. I cleaned with the help of emma and cory...yes they now know I'm officially not the cleanest person in the world. they had a good laugh at my mess. but that's ok, we had fun. we moved stuff out of the room and got rid of my box spring. I now sleep on my mattress on the floor lol which doesn't really bother me. then we painted my lime green walls back to white. it was kind of sad. but also exciting. i will be starting a new chapter. junior year. brand new place. brand new roommates. and hopefully new friends. i can't wait!

*exhausted after our long day of painting*

i still feel like there is lots to do before i move out on July 31st. My entire bathroom needs to be packed up. My closet needs to be organized and then packed. I still have some stuff in my dresser drawers. So it will be a mad dash to get it all done next week when I get back from New Jersey. I will be living at home for 14 days (I can't move into my other apartment until Aug 14th), which I am really not looking forward to. Actually, I'm completely dreading it. but oh well. nothing else I can do. I can't really live in my car lol

the new kitten has proven to be a lot more troublesome than I thought. Kobie has always been queen bee of the apartment. now with the new rugrat, she doesn't really know how to handle sharing her space. she's hissed and swatted at Piper a few times but hopefully, with time, she will learn to accept the little newcomer. other than that, Piper is a breeze. She loves to be pet and cuddled. I just wish she could join Kobie and me at night in my bed. I would be one happy Mama :)

some more emotional stuff happened this weekend that I would rather not talk about. Unfortunately I have to take full responsibility for it. But as I always tell myself....No regrets. Just lessons. I have also come to a realization which also made my weekend a little emotional. my head and heart has collided and now I honestly don't know what to do. Is it better to just let go completely and move on? Or do I just keep that small glimmer of hope? From the looks of it, I think I'll be moving on. But I'm honestly ok with that. I can't normally say that. I normally wallow in self pitty for a few days. But not this time. I'm going to be ok. Like I said earlier, there's a new chapter that's about to start. Who knows what that could bring.

One last update: next weekend I will be heading to New Jersey for another whirlwind weekend trip. It's my grandma's 75th birthday so we're throwing her a surprise party. It will be nice to see some of the family, catch up with the aunts and uncles, and play with my little cousins. It will also be a stressful time because I have to deal with my family lol but I'm looking forward to it.

Hopefully this week goes by smoothly so I can get some things done before I leave for the weekend. Then it's busy bee time. So much to do, so little time. wish me luck!

meet piper

Lately I feel like I've been so GO GO GO that I haven't spent enough time with Kobie. And she's making it known, that's for sure. 5am rolls around and she thinks it's play time. That just doesn't fly with me. I like my sleep so I hate when she wakes me up. I do play with her once in a while, but with packing, working, and being social, I definitely don't give Kobie the attention she needs. I feel so guilty...so I got the brilliant idea of getting her a playmate.

Enter Piper...Isn't she adorable?!

So far, she's been a great girl. She's playful and full of energy. She loves to purr too. I think she'll fit right in with my happy little family. I still want Kobie to know that she is my number one, as bad as that sounds. With this new kitty, I don't want her to feel left out. The whole point was to actually feel more included and wanted. Now here's the test. Hopefully they will actually get along and Kobie will be able to have the play time she needs. All the research I've done says that introductions should be a few days. So tonight I introduced them for the first time. Kobie wasn't really sure what to think but Piper was hissing away. I think she was just a little scared. Tomorrow we'll see how it goes. Wish me luck!!

to a great friend.

"A friend is someone who knows you yet still loves you."

Veronica, this is you to me! lol you know so much (good and bad) yet you still don't judge me.

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same."

I have known Veronica for almost 3 years now. And throughout that time, I have become very close to her and her amazing family. She has become a mentor and best friend. I go to her when times are bad and when things are good. If I have news, she's the first I want to share it with. She has been so incredibly generous to me. I'm really lucky to have her in my life.

I wish there was some way I could show my undying appreciation for her friendship, but there are just no words to express that. No matter how hard I try to explain it, I won't be able to say exactly how appreciative I am.

But today is her birthday. And I hope she has the most incredible day. She deserves to enjoy herself and get pampered. She has done so much for her family. She puts everyone else before herself. I so often feel a part of her family, which is so amazing to me!

Well V, today is your day! Be selfish!! Enjoy your time off work. And spoil yourself :)

I love you!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

bad boys

"Your the kind of boy who likes the kind of girls
Who like to fool around with the boys on the first date
I'm the kind of girl who ain't supposed to like those boys
But I kinda like those boys that like those kind of girls"

I heard this song on the radio the other day. It's called "Boy Like Me" by Jessica Harp. It has a pretty fun beat and it's kind of addicting but as I was listening to the lyrics it got me to thinking...

...what IS it about those bad boys that keeps us girls coming back??

Here are my thoughts on the reasons:

• Girls feel protected and safe with a bad guy...for example, he would get in a fight with anyone over "his" girl.


• Girls feel somewhat inferior (as bad as that sounds) to them because the bad boy isn't the girls doormat. She can't just walk all over him and girls like that feeling because they want to feel like the guy is the dominant figure in the relationship so, again, they feel protected.


• Girls find it kind of a challenge and a huge reward if they can say that they "tamed" a bad boy. So the thrill and notoriety of being able to fix someone is a little addictive.


• I'm not going to lie about this one, but most bad boys have that mysterious look so they are usually REALLY attractive!


• They are mysterious so girls just can't get enough of trying to figure them out. The girl is NEVER bored because there is still that something they don't know about him. It keeps the excitement up.

I know how this all works too. I've been there, done that. And I've seen my friends go through it too. But no matter how many times we see it or hear about it, us girls just can't get enough of those bad boys. We're kind of addicted. I'll fully admit that I am lol and most girls my age are as well. But when do we break this cycle? Or do we ever? Is there always that little attraction no matter how old we get? I guess I'll find out.

In the end, they are usually jerks and turn out to be the one that girls don't end up with. And every girl knows this. But "nice guys finish last" is completely true in my opinion (in a good way though) ....because they are the ones that finish with the girl.

So boys, if you're a bad boy, let a girl "tame" you if you really care about her because if you don't, you will never be able to keep her around. She can only handle so much...

And if you're a nice guy...hold you. One of these days, a nice girl is gonna come along, be fed up with those "bad boys" and she'll fall completely in love with you :)

make a wish

Make a wish and place it in your heart. Anything you want, everything you want.
Do you have it?
Good.

Now believe it can come true. You never know where the next miracle is gonna come from, the next smile, the next wish come true. But if you believe that it's right around the corner, and you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the certainty of it. You just might get the thing you're wishing for.

The world is full of magic. You just have to believe in it.

So make your wish.
Do you have it?
Good.
Now believe in it. With all your heart.

~One Tree Hill

and july starts...

Hello JULY!! I feel like I say this at the beginning of every month, but WOW, where has the time gone?? Why is this year flying by? I'm pretty sure last year didn't feel this fast. Well here we go on the happenings of the beginning of the month...

So after all the stressing about how I'm going to be able to support myself financially and attend classes, my body decided it was going to take matters into it's own hands. I came down with a throat virus the Saturday before I was supposed to start classes, so I missed the first 3 days of class. Because it's summer school, missing one day is like missing a full week. So, much to my dismay, I had to drop both classes. I was stressed out about taking them but at the same time, I really wanted to get them over with. But lucky me was stuck in bed with a fever, head ache, and extremely painful sore throat for over four days. I haven't been that sick in a long time. I know 4 days doesn't sound that bad, but I literally couldn't move. It was a task just walking to the bathroom because I felt so weak. I also couldn't eat or drink because it was so painful to swallow. It literally felt like I was swallowing needles. Only good thing that came out of that was I lost a few pounds lol I finally went back to work on Thursday though but then had Friday off for Independence Day. Besides that, there isn't too much going on.

So here are just a few updates....

• I FINALLY got that raise I've been wanting for the past year or so!! It comes into affect this month so my paycheck on the 15th with be a much celebrated one! lol
• Still haven't had a birthday party for Kobie, but I'm working on it. With being sick, it's been really hard to get all the things done that I want to.
• I'm finally feeling much better. My voice is still a little scratchy and I still sound sick because of my cough but I feel 95% better.
• 4th of July was a lot of fun. Emma and I went to UNC to watch the fireworks. I haven't seen fireworks for the past 4 years so it was really exciting to see the display. Pictures will be posted on here soon :)
• As for my previous post, I'm still having some issues with my decision. I haven't made a decision yet and it's not getting any easier. Again, any suggestions, please let me know!
• Mom is having surgery on her knee again tomorrow. I think she's more nervous about this one than the one she had a few months ago. Apparently the surgery she had last time didn't take so they have to go back in and do a half knee replacement. They are replacing her ACL and PCL. Hopefully this time it will work so she can move on to the next surgery and get this over with. I'm ready for her to be pain free.
• I'm off to Charlotte this weekend with Emma! Emma had tickets to the Aerosmith concert in Charlotte for Thursday night so we were going to head there Thursday afternoon, but the concert was postponed so we're now heading there Friday afternoon. I can't wait! I feel like we haven't been there in a while but we are both really looking forward to it.

I think that's about it for now. Hope everyone else is doing well and keeping healthy! HAPPY JULY!