kiss me at midnight

as an elementary school kid, i loooved N*SYNC. i had all their albums, including the holiday one. well the other day, i was tired of the christmas music they were playing on the radio, so i popped the CD in and listened to it. the very last song on there, i had completely forgotten about. it's about new year's eve and when i was younger i guess it never really registered about the whole kissing at midnight for the new year thing so i didn't pay to much attention to it before. but it's one of my favorites on the album now. so i just thought i would share it with you since it's new year's eve and all ;)

"Kiss Me At Midnight"

Kiss me at midnight(5...)

hey yeah...(4...)

oh...(3, 2, 1!)

Kiss me at midnight

Dance until the morning light

Party into the New Year

All of my friends are here

And when the timing's right

Kiss me at midnight

I've been waiting for the special night

To be with you

The colors of Christmas are still shining bright

And I know what we're gonna do

Anticipating, music is playing

The magic is in the air

All through the season

You've been the reason

I have so much love to share

Kiss me at midnight

Dance until the morning light

Party into the New Year

All of my friends are here

And when the timing's right

Kiss me at midnight

Kiss...

Kiss me at midnight

Kiss...

We've been making promises in the dark

Our resolutions

As a brand new year is about to start

And we're together.

Celebrating, no more waiting

Our time has arrived

The beat in my heart

As the countdown starts

Just look into my eyes

Kiss me at midnight

Dance until the morning light

Party into the New Year

All of my friends are here

And when the timing's right

Kiss me at midnight

Baby, it's New Year's Eve

Time we can believe

In making wishes

Dreams come true

Just for me and you

Kiss me at midnight

Dance until the morning light

Party into the New Year

All of my friends are here

And when the timing's right

Kiss me at midnight

it's a fun little song...sure does have a ring to it and it's quite catchy lol! this year, i probably won't be getting a kiss at midnight, but i'm perfectly fine with that. i'll be ringing in the new year with some friends and mango margaritas!! lol hope everyone has a great night! and good luck in 2009. stay happy and healthy!

boo :(

all i have to say is....

Rutgers sucks.

final score: Rutgers 29 NC State 23

go pack!

NC State is in it's first bowl game in 5 years today!! We are in the papajohns.com bowl in Alabama playing Rutgers. The game started at 3. I'm hopeful my boys can pull off a win!! Unfortunately, I'm at work so I can't watch the game but I have it up on ESPN lol so i'm keeping track. And i'm wearing my red and black to show support!! I'll be rushing home to catch the end of it, that's for sure.

cross your fingers everyone!!

GO PACK!!

ho, ho, ho.... merry christmas!

i know tomorrow is going to be hectic and crazy, so i just wanted to wish everyone a very merry Christmas. try to remember the true meaning and enjoy the spirit of Christmas!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!
♥ rachel and kobie

tattoos

people say once you get 1 tattoo, you can't stop there. well i've come to realize that the saying is true. i have 1, but now thinking about it, i want some more. 2 more to be exact. my absolute favorite saying is "live well. laugh often. love much." or for short "live. laugh. love." my first tattoo is the chinese symbol for love. well now i want to complete the rest of my saying...i want a live tattoo and a laugh tattoo. a few problems though - (1) i don't know where to get the next ones and (2) do i stick with the chinese theme or mix it up? for the problems i've come up with a few solutions but i'm still undecided. this is where you, my beloved reader, comes in. i need your opinions!! what do you think?!

possible solutions to my problems:
1. where to get the next ones: (a) wrist, (b) ankle, (c) foot, (d)...?

2. the design: (a) stick with the chinese symbols and get both live and laugh in chinese (look below to see what the symbols look like) (b) or should i go with something different for both of them? like have laugh be written in cursive and live be a different design. (c) or do one in chinese and then the other in a readable font.

ugh, so many choices. so many decisions. what do you think i should do? where do you think i should put them (there are 2 remember, so preferably in different spots)? what design should i get? you're opinions will be considered! i'm serious, i really need help!! lol

workin' girl (again!)

so i'm back to my old working roots, as of today. i started working for State Farm again today and it's so nice to be back! i'm pretty sure everyone else is glad i'm back too, as it's been pretty busy lately. the phones were ringing off the hook this morning! i forgot how stressful it can be, but i can handle it. being on break from school is nice and having some relaxation time without having to worry about any schoolwork is nice. at times i wish i didn't have to work, but i'm glad i decided to. it keeps me busy during the day, but i still have my nights free to see the family and spend time with some friends as well. the only part i don't like is having to actually wake up early lol but i'm making some extra spending money, so that's good.

it's so nice to see Veronica's smiling face every day as well :) i've missed seeing her every day! i keep in touch with her, but it's just not the same....we both have very busy schedules - her with the kids and work, and me with trying to keep up with school and the rest of college - we play phone tag a lot. but here, if i need her, she's right upstairs. or an email away.

seeing everyone else is nice too, although i'm not as close with them as i am with Veronica. chris, ryan, nathan, and sally act like i haven't even been gone, which is nice. one of my favorite parts of working here is the people, so i'm glad to see everyone! it's my first day, and i'm back in the swing of things. it's great! but only 7 days of work and then i'm back to school work. ick :/

saying sorry

saying sorry has always been a tricky thing for me. i don't know why, but i'm always afraid the person won't accept my apology or i just feel so guilty that i don't want to dwell on the situation, which makes saying sorry very hard because i have to talk about it. well i'm in an interesting predicament for myself right now. have you ever felt the need to say sorry to someone even though it really wasn't your fault that a certain something happened. well that's basically how i feel right now and i can't shake that feeling. i know that i shouldn't feel guilty or feel the need to apologize, but i want to. i think it will help with the closure that i need. i think it will help make me feel better for once to actually talk about it and get my thoughts off my chest. usually venting to other friends will help, but for this, that's just not working and i don't know why. i guess i just need to face the person and the situation head on to clear my head. but i don't know if i should because the situation wasn't really my fault. i guess i'll do more thinking on it to decide, but i'm very conflicted.

what to do, what to do......

GA quote of the day

"Four hundred years ago, another well-known English guy had an opinion about being alone. John Donne. He thought we were never alone. Of course, it was fancier when he said it. "No man is an island entire unto himself." Boil down that island talk, and he just meant that all anyone needs is someone to step in and let us know we're not alone. And who's to say that someone can't have four legs. Someone to play with or run around with, or just hang out."

~Meredith, Grey's Anatomy

Grey's Anatomy is one of my all time favorite shows. One of the reasons is that some of the quotes are meaningful and I can actually relate to them. The above quote...take a wild guess how I can relate to it lol my adorable, lovable, playful, cuddly, furry little bundle of joy - Kobie ♥

*kisses from my baby*

I've had a roller coaster of a semester...so many high and low points. Some great learning experiences but that doesn't mean I haven't struggled through some of them. I've shed many tears but also had many laughs. And I think God was watching out for me. He placed Kobie in my life to have something stable and something that I have when I'm in need of comfort. And I couldn't be happier that I have my little girl in my life. Yes, she can be a handful, especially lately, but I would never ask for anything more or less from her.

I know, I know, I talk about her all the time but I can't help but brag :) which, by the way, I just found out that if a cat goes nose to nose with you, or licks your nose, it means they think you are part of their family. As you can see in the picture above, Kobie loves giving me kisses, especially on the nose. It makes my heart melt to know that I mean as much to her as she means to me!

my grown up christmas list

My Grown Up Christmas List

"Do you remember me
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you
With childhood fantasies

Well, I'm all grown up now
And still need help somehow
I'm not a child
But my heart still can dream

So here's my lifelong wish
My grown up Christmas list
Not for myself
But for a world in need

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal the heart
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end oh,
This is my grown up Christmas list

As children we believed
The grandest sight to see
Was something lovely
Wrapped beneath the tree

But heaven only knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal
A hurting human soul

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
Oh, This is my grown up Christmas list

What is this illusion called the innocence of youth
Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end, oh
This is my grown up Christmas list
This is my only life long wish
This is my grown up Christmas list"

my Christmas list this year consists of a few small things like a straightener, a coat, and some clothing items. but these are all tangible items. what about the things that you can't pick up or touch? this is one of my favorite Christmas songs because it really reminds us of the idea that Christmas when we were young was all about the presents. and presents are always great, but what about the things we can't put a bow on? the things that really matter in life can never be wrapped and placed under the tree.

so here is my "grown up" Christmas list...the things I want for this year that I won't find under the tree or with a bow on top:

1. stress less about situations i find myself in
2. be happy with myself more
   
3. have my mom show her pride in me to me
4. love unconditionally
   
5. be loved unconditionally
   
6. spend more quality time with my family
7. create stronger bonds with my friends
8. let my heart be completely open to new possibilities
   
9. be more open minded in situations
10. worry less and have more fun
    

it's not quite world peace, but if i can get some of these things, i know i will be able to live a more happy and complete life. so what is your grown up Christmas list for this year? what do you want this Christmas season that can't be unwrapped on Christmas morning?

it's beginning to look a lot like christmas

every year, Christmas time at my household has been the same (not that i'm complaining). the saturday after Thanksgiving, our Christmas tree comes out of hiding and the rest of the decorations go up. it's always a special day because Grandma gets to help decorate and it's really the first day we start listening to christmas music and get into the Christmas spirit. then not much else goes on until Christmas Eve, where we attend the service at church...it's always a skit of the nativity scene which stars the entire congrigation. after that, we head home and open a present from my mom's parents which is always an ornament for each kid. That way, when we move out and have our own Christmas tree's, we will already have a collection of ornaments started. I think it's a cute idea and I hope my parents continue that tradition with my children. After opening our ornaments, we get into our pajama's and get the cookies and carrots ready for Santa and his reindeer. we can't forget to spread the magic reindeer food (oatmeal and glitter) all over the front lawn. once all of that is done, we hang the stockings over the fireplace and then hop into bed and wait for Santa to come. when i was younger, my brother and i use to wake up at 2 in the morning and go down with flashlights to examine all the presents before morning. then he would come back to my room, discuss what we thought were in the biggest packages and fall asleep in sleeping bags until 8am, when we would go down to wake up mom and dad. that tradition has stopped since we've both grown a little older, but 8am is still our wake up call for mom and dad. way too early for me, but my sister enjoys every minute of it, so i wake up for her. once mom and dad are awake, we open our stockings first, then our "Santa present", and then the rest of the presents. after all the excitment is over, we have donuts for breakfast (the only time of year when that is allowed in our household).

i love our christmas traditions. it's my favorite time of year. but i think all these years i've taken them somewhat for granted. i've forgotten that some people don't get to experience all of these things. i just learned yesterday that someone close to me never experienced all of these things. they each got one present but never did stockings or christmas music or lights. the children of the family didn't even know about stockings and that Santa put presents in those too. so this christmas, i will savor every minute of it. the music. the tree. the lights. the stockings. family. everything.

and i wish everyone a happy holiday season and that you savor every minute of yours.

stress

life has been a little stressful this semester, i'm not gonna lie. but for some crazy reason, someone decided the week before finals should be the most stressful i have felt this entire year. karma? maybe. but i don't think i've done anything that bad to deserve this kind of stress. stuff is complicated. but basically the gist of it is that i had my first disagreement with my roommates (which is now cleared up), a fight with my mother, now a fight with basically the entire family. and on top of all that....3 papers, a presentation, and a final all due this week. and 3 finals next week. fantastic.

thank goodness the school work is over and the weekend is finally here for me. everything has been cleared up except the fight with the family. and basically that just ruined my entire night. i've been on and off the phone with so many different people about it and i'm just so ready for it to stop. i want it to be cleared up soon, but with my family, i doubt that will happen. so stress...it's gonna be a big part of life for me until this one is cleared up. and of course that added stress doesn't help the stress i'm already feeling about finals. one monday. one tuesday. and one friday. and then i'm done for the semester! i can't wait.

and for my sanity....i hope this stress/drama ends soon.

for bethany

I just wanted to wish my best friend of 15 years, Bethany, a very happy 19th birthday! She's at Liberty University this year and it's the farthest/longest we've been apart. I miss her so much but I hope she has a wonderful birthday!

happy birthday!

Thanksgiving adventures

I can't believe Thanksgiving is over. The break went by too fast. It was a nice little break from classes though and it was great to spend some time with the family. Grandma (from Dad's side) flew in from New Jersey for her annual Thanksgiving trip on Saturday and stayed until Monday. It seems like a long time, but it flew by. I came home Monday night for dinner, but was home to stay starting Tuesday night. We played games and talked and it was a lot of fun.

The day of Thanksgiving, Uncle Paul came for the day, Grandma cooked the turkey (as always), Dad made the rest of the meal, and we had a lot of time to reflect on what we were thankful for. Thursday night, Grandma, Rebecca, and I left with Uncle Paul and spent the night at his house in Charlotte. It was the first time Grandma and Rebecca saw the house...and they both loved it! The rest of the family (Mom, Dad, and Ryan) came the next day. We spent the day walking around all the little shops by my uncle's house. It was nice and relaxing.

Saturday was Dad's 50th birthday!! I still can't believe it. He doesn't look (or act) anywhere near his age. But, of course, that's a good thing! We went the the North Carolina Symphony Christmas Concert in the afternoon, then Mom cooked dinner (SHOCKER, I KNOW! I'll let you in on a secret though - fresh market made it...she just had to put it in the oven lol)...chicken cordon bleu! and man was it good! After that we had a ice cream birthday cake for him which said "still nifty at 50!" I think he really enjoyed his day!

I would also like to add that it was Miss Isabella Grace Lara's 1st birthday as well on Saturday! Happy birthday sweetie!

Oh, and another quick shout out - Thank you so much Lara family for taking such good care of my baby girl. She slept like a baby last night! Kobie always loves being at your house and having little playmates, so thank you again!

I had a great break but now it's back to reality. school and finals, here I come. Unfortunately, it's another hell week for me before finals. This week I have 3 papers due (1 Wednesday and 2 Thursday), a presentation (on Wednesday), and a final (on Thursday). Wish me luck....hopefuly I'll survive. And next week starts finals. And then I'm done until Janurary! I cannot believe it!

Hope everyone else had a wonderful holiday. Now it's time to prepare for Christmas!! Yay, it's my favorite time of year!

slow down

it's monday...i can't believe it. this weekend just flew by. that's what traveling all over the place can do to one's weekend. new jersey was fun. the pictures turned out great and it was really nice to see my big, crazy, loud family. everyone has grown up so much since i last saw them (i can say that since i'm the oldest of the cousins lol). i wish i could see them more often, but it's just such a hassel trying to get up there, especially only for a weekend.

i want to thank elizabeth and dan for taking such good care of kobie this weekend. i was really worried about leaving her for the weekend since she had just had her surgery but i trusted them to watch her and make sure everything went smoothly. it did, thank goodness, but they are just great for taking on the extra responsibility of a post-op kitty. thanks guys, you're the best!

kobie isn't quite back to her normal rambunctious self just yet (recovery time is 10 days - 3 days down, 7 to go), but she's just as cuddly as ever :) we layed in bed this morning for over an hour, her on my chest, purring away. i miss those moments and i feel like i don't enjoy them as much as i should. my life is so fast paced that i don't have time to just relax and enjoy it. i need to savor the moments like these because who knows if she's going to want to do that a few months from now, or a year, or a few years down the line. i'm so lucky to have kobie in my life now. to be honest, now i can't even imagine life without her. our lives together have become so routine (and for that, i am not complaining).

i get home from class, and she's waiting right at the edge of the bed for me. i do my homework, and she's sitting right next to me, keeping me company. i'm making dinner, and she's circling my feet as i walk through the kitchen (as i try not to step on her). i put my pj's on, and she's trying to attack my feet so i play with her. she loves to play. it's great to see the amusment she gets out of chasing after feathers or a ball. and it's kinda scary, but she always knows when something's not right. if i'm upset, she comes running and stays close to me until i calm down. and it's the cutest thing, she even licks my tears when i cry.

this semester is going by so fast. next week is thanksgiving, then we have what's called "dead week" (teachers can't assign any more extra work and it's basically just a week of review in classes) and then finals. and then i'm done until january. how it went by so fast, i don't know. but i hope it slows down just a little so i can actually enjoy these amazing moments i experience.

in a nutshell

it's been a while since i last posted...i've been really bad about keeping up with this. so here are just some quick little updates.

• Mom is coming along phenomenally! even her doctor is extremely impressed with her progress which is great news.
• Halloween was ok...i guess i got over excited about it. but i brought my sister trick-or-treating and that was a lot of fun. i always enjoy doing that...even though this year she was disappointed my college friends didn't come lol (last year 4 of my friends and i went got all dressed up and went trick-or-treating with my sister and her friends)
  
• school is going pretty well although i'm still a little stressed. two weeks ago was "hell week." i had 4 tests but they all went well.
  
• along with tests - i just need to say that i got a 100 on my last physics test!!
• last week, i voted for the very first time! and it was an incredible feeling. i guess it's not a big deal after a few times, but i was really proud of myself that i had a voice for once!
• last weekend, i went to Charlotte again, which was a lot of fun. i hung out with my uncle and helped him make his house more of a home. i used a nail gun and midor saw!! we put trim up in his entryway and then i picked out the colors, and started painting! i can't wait to go back again and make even more progress.
• yesterday was my very last physics lab for the semester. i'm so relieved...one less thing i need to concentrate on. but at the same time, it's scary to think that the semester is almost over. my, how time has flown. before we know it, it will be christmas!
• next week, i have 3 tests, but then i'm basically done until finals!
• Kobie is still as cute as ever, and still growing. she's getting spayed tomorrow and i'm a little worried/sad but i'm sure she will do fine. i drop her off in the morning and pick her up in the afternoon, so my evening tomorrow will consist of cuddling and snuggling with my little girl.
• i'll be in New Jersey this weekend, and i'm super excited because i get to see all my cousins on my dad's side of the family, who i haven't seen in a very long time (it's been over a year, and probably longer). just sucks that it's only for the weekend...it will go by way too fast.

so that's about it for my life right now. i promise, i will try to get better at keeping this updated. hope everyone is doing well!!

update on mom

apparently mom's surgery went really well. they had to do less work then they originally planned so that was a good thing. the doctor's had to fix her MCL and thought they had to fix her ACL too but they ended up only having to clean it up a little but not completely replace it. she's spending the night at the hospital but will be home tomorrow morning. i'm just glad everything went well. thanks for all your thoughts and prayers!!

mom's surgery

i just want to ask you to keep my mom in your thoughts and prayers. she's undergoing knee surgery. i'm sure she'll be fine, but it's still a little scary. if everything goes well, physical therapy will last up to 6 months. i just hope this surgery works. the doctor's still aren't sure how effective the surgery will be. thanks for keeping her in your thoughts. i love you, mommy! i'll update you when i know anything.

eye opener

in·vin·ci·ble - incapable of being overcome or defeated

when you're in college, you think you really are. nothing can touch you. events that occur in the news will never happen to you.

last night my roommates and i had a little incident. we are all fine, just a little emotionally shaken. but i was definitely wrong - we are not invincible. last night was a big eye opener. i never knew why my parents worried so much but now i know. it's not because of how i act, it's because of the way some other people act. my parents weren't worried that i was going to do something bad, they were worried about other people. this world can be a scary place - you just have to be smart about how you live and your surroundings. it's just too bad i had to learn that the difficult way.

What are you working on?

Veronica posed the question on her blog the other day, "What are you working on?" So I thought I should answer it.

What I am working on:

1. Being a better daughter and sister
2. Being a better friend
3. Becoming a better student
4. With #3 comes, getting into a better study routine
5. Spend more quality time on school work
   
6. Getting to bed at a decent hour
7. Save money
8. Curb my shopping craving
9. Spend more time being happy

I will probably add to this list as the year continues but for now, this is good. so I will ask the same thing Veronica asked...What are you working on?

time flys!!

I just thought I should point out that I cannot believe it is already October. It feels like I just moved into my new apartment a few weeks ago, not a few months! October is such a great month though...fall break, football games, leaves changing, weather cooling, and Halloween!!

HAPPY OCTOBER!


*she's my little pumpkin*

uncle paul

So I've noticed this seems to be my weekly routine...
Get so busy during the week, and then finally sit down Sunday to sort out all my emotions and write down how/what I'm feeling in my handy dandy blog.

This past week has been a little rough. A lot of emotions and feelings that I still haven't quite wrapped my head around but I figured I would post something happy for once lol I feel like I'm such a downer on here most of the time.

I'm pretty excited because fall break is coming up at school. We have Thursday and Friday off so I will be spending the long weekend with my uncle in Charlotte. As of this past Wednesday (October 1), he is a first time homeowner! I will be his first official house guest and I can't wait!

We will be spending the weekend arranging furniture, picking out some new furniture, finishing the garage, picking out paint colors, and some other odds and ends to help make his house more of a home. We have been planning this trip for a few months now, even before he moved in. So I'm really looking forward to it and I haven't seen him since May, so the countdown begins!!

My uncle and I are extremely close. We have been ever since i was little. I have so many memories of when I lived in New York and the days we would spend together. One of my favorite memories was that we had matching jean jackets and we would wear them in his white '61 Oldsmobile convertable. We would just drive around town and listen to oldies. We were that cool lol

He's been going through some really rough times lately and finally something good has happened...he bought a house! Granted, it came out of one of his "rough moments" but I know that in the end, it will make him very happy to have something he can call his own. Now I get to go help make it "his own."

I can't wait to come back and tell you all about it!! Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!

afterthought

choices.

what makes one right or wrong?
and if you make the "wrong one," is it too late to turn back?

change

change is the essence of life. be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.

everyone says change is inevitable.
but is it really...?

this weekend, i did a lot of thinking. and this is what i've come up with about change (since i've been thinking about it a lot lately) as well as a few other topics that have been weighing on my mind.

your past is your past. but it can haunt your present and future. don't let it. people make mistakes. but don't let those mistakes define you. don't let them be just mistakes. never regret them. just take them. learn from them. grow into a better person because of them. and change for the best. it is possible: people can change.

the definition of change: to become different; to become altered or modified

yes, people can change. but you can't change people. so don't try it. it only ends badly. if they were meant to change, they will change for themselves. not for what someone else wants. or what they think other people want. they will change because they know it's what's best.

"There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction."
~Winston Churchill

i'm proud of people who want to change for the better and know it's because what is best. but if they change because they know it's what someone else wants, then they aren't doing it for the right reasons. i just wish i knew which person was which. i wish there was some way you could determine whether someone is changing because they know it's best or if it's just because they want to change to prove to someone they did just to say they did.

since there isn't a way to tell, i guess i just have to have faith. faith in people that they will do what is best for them.

so my last thought before i leave...

you don't have to have an explanation for everything you want in life. if you want something in life, you can just want it. no explanation needed. and don't let anyone tell you it's something that you shouldn't want. or something you shouldn't do. it's your life. do what you want and what makes you happy. never settle for being content. be around people that make you happy. do things that make you happy. enjoy life. you only live once. might as well make the best of it.

here is my ending quote. it's one of my favorites that i avidly live by:
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

the rest of the week

My week did eventually get better...but it was a little bit of a roller coaster ride to get there. Wednesday, I got into a huge argument with my mom and because I was angry, I blurted out some information that I didn't want to share with her just yet, which made her even more angry. She continued to yell and scream. I got so frustrated with her, I hung up. So Wednesday, I was miserable. I wished I hadn't said what I did, and I wished our conversation didn't end the way it did. And to make matters worse, I knew I have to face my mom Thursday because I was babysitting my sister Thursday night. So to get it off my mind, I went out Wednesday night. I got all dolled up and had a blast. Liz (my roommate), Mary (her friend), and I went to Ess lounge for a little while, then went to Buckhead's Saloon in downtown. I danced the night away, and it was sooo much fun. My feet were killing me by the end of the night, but it was so worth it.

So Thursday comes. It's hell day as I call it. 3 classes in a row. And running on less than 5 hours of sleep, I'd say it wasn't too bad. Could have been worse. I find out I made a 75 on my physics test. Eh, it's a C. Not as horrible as I thought but not great either. So I was pretty content with that. Then Thursday night, my parents come to drop off my sister (half an hour early, I might add, so I was still groggy from the nap I had taken). And everything seems fine. My sister and I had a good time. I miss spending quality time with her, so when she comes to visit, I always enjoy it. But then as she was leaving, my mom hugged me and whispered in my ear "your father and I will be talking with you." Oh great. I'm in deep trouble. Eh, but I didn't let it get to me.

Friday. Kobie had an appointment for her shots so I brought her to that. My poor baby was in pain for the rest of the night. I felt so bad. I wished there was something I could have done to make her feel better, so I just held her close. After her appointment, a few girls (elizabeth, markie, kelley, brandi, and jessica) and I went to go see "The Women." If you are looking for a fun movie to see with your girls, I highly recommend this one! It was sooooo cute. And there wasn't a single male in the entire movie, which is a nice change. Especially when I'm trying to get my mind off of them lol. Then we met up with a few people at Mellow Mushroom. The food was amazing and it had been a while since I had been. If you've never been, you need to go. After dinner, I went back to my place and hung out. Wasn't really in the mood to go out out, so I had a nice relaxing night with my baby. All in all, Friday was a pretty good day.

All I can say about Saturday is.....SO HOW ABOUT THEM WOLFPACK!!! Saturday was spent at Carter Finely stadium cheering on my beloved pack against the ECU Pirates. The weather was perfect for an afternoon at the stadium. The wind blowing every so slightly that it made it feel very comfortable and just enough clouds to keep the sun from being too hot. ECU was ranked 15th in the nation. State, well, we weren't even ranked. We were not the favored winner as you might guess. But yes, that's right ladies and gentlemen, we won!! We were losing the entire game but we tied it up with 1:24 left on the scoreboard. 24-24. Overtime baby!! ECU started off with the ball, State intercepts it and goes in for the touchdown. PACK WINS... 30-24!!! And because of our amazing win, ECU was bumped down to 23rd in the rankings! We still aren't ranked, but I don't care. Go Pack!! Let's just say, I had a very sore throat the rest of the day. But it was a great game, and it was so much fun! Great way to spend a Saturday afternoon :)

And today (Sunday) begins a new week. By the looks of it, it's gonna be a pretty hectic one. But I can take it. Or at least, I hope I can.

it's only tuesday

It's just one of those weeks. And it's only Tuesday. The stress from physics is taking it's toll on me. Monday afternoon/night was spent trying to finish physics homework. I sat at my computer from 4 to 11 (with only a half hour break for dinner) doing homework. And all I accomplished... 2 points out of 18. Yes, that's it. I thought I knew what I was doing, but clearly I didn't. I was so frustrated, I was in tears several points during that 7 hour homework spree. And to make matters worse, I knew I had a test the next day. What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to pass this test at the rate I was going? Yeah, at this point I was freaking out.

So let me tell you about my test. It was worse than awful. 16 questions. All or no credit. I'm pretty sure I guessed on at least 6 of them. So even if I get all of the ones I actually answered right, I only have a D. So I'm pretty sure I didn't do too hot. Crossing my fingers for a (big!) curve. And today, I had 3 classes and a lab plus it was raining so I was soaked up to my knees, sitting in class freezing my butt off. What a lovely day.

And so the week continues. Let's hope it gets better.

a life cut short

Not many people close to me have passed away, which i am very thankful for, but today marks the 2 year anniversary of a passing that really hit home to me. September 9, 2006. I will never forget it. I was sitting at home on my computer and I was just browsing myspace when i see this bulletin posted by a friend with the subject line saying "RIP Ozzie." I just couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. Ozzie Vargas. 17 years old (my age). Senior at Apex High School (my school). Member of AOIT (a special program I was also involved in). Senior class president. Dead.

My head filled with so many questions. Is it true? How did this happen? Why him? Why now? He has his entire life ahead of him. It shouldn't have been his time. That calander year was rough for AHS because we had already had 2 deaths and I didn't think it could get worse. But those deaths (as I'm sad to say) were because of stupid mistakes and bad decisions the people made. They could have been avoided. Ozzie's passing was out of his control. It wasn't because he did anything wrong or made a bad decision. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. For whatever reason, God picked that time and place for him to go home. Click here to read what happened. I would type it out but every time I try, the tears just flood my eyes and I can't continue.

Ozzie was an amazing person. So unforgettable. I met him the first day of my high school career. He was the class clown. Always had a smile on his face and knew how to brighten everyone's day. When you needed a hug, he was there. When you needed a laugh, he was there. When you needed a shoulder, he was there. He was also incredibly bright. He succeeded at everything he did, whether it be in the classroom or out. If he put his mind to it, it worked out in his favor. I saw his face every day for my first 3 years of high school as well as those last few months before his passing. I would walk by him, and it never failed, he was always smiling and we would say hi.

I will never forget the last week before he passed... we started this new thing on the morning announcments where someone would say the pledge of allegance and since Ozzie was the student body president, he had the duties of saying it. Well, Monday through Thursday, without meaning to, he would leave out a word or entire phrase and just throw off the whole thing. Firday, his last day with us, he finally got it right. And we all applauded him after. It's just a silly memory, but if you knew him, you would know why that was so significant. It was the little things he did that make me tear up when I think about his amazing spirt and warmth.

He may not be here with us on Earth anymore, but his memory still lingers over all of us. You really were blessed if you knew him. Ozzie, we miss you so much. Keep watching over us.

Love always,
Rachel

update

i know in my earlier post i said kobie had light brown eyes, but i have decided she actually has green eyes. she is so adorable! i love her so much :)

and.... i got my tattoo!! it's still in the healing process but i'm really happy with it.

hope everyone has a wonderful week!

emotions

to be honest, i don't even know where to begin. this past week has been a flurry of emotions. so i'm here to just vent. i've felt everything in the past week from sadness and frustration, to happiness and love.

i probably shouldn't go into detail about my sadness but lets just say that sometimes i think about past adventures and events and think how great they were but then remember i don't have those anymore, which makes me sad. i know, i shouldn't dwell on my past. that just doesn't help my whole "new outlook" phase i'm trying to work on. but moving on is easy, the hard part is what i'm leaving behind. sometimes i wonder "what if..." and that's not healthy. i want to believe in things but i know that in the end, i'll just be hurt again. to be honest, i actually ventured into my past over the weekend (which i know i shouldn't have done, but i did it anyway) and now it's just making me more sad and frustrated.

which brings me to my next emotion - frustration. i'm frustrated with my past, present, and future. my past is just taunting me and i want to go back and see how things would turn out for the present and future, but i know it's not for the best. my present is frustrating me for many different reasons. i can't go into detail about one but it just frustrates me that you think you know someone and they show you a side that you want to see, but then they turn. and it flip flops back and forth from day to day. so i just don't know what to believe. another is the fact that physics is driving me insane. i go to class every day and actually listen so i'm hopefully learning and absorbing the information, then i come home and do homework for hours and in the end, it's worthless because i still don't understand what the heck i'm doing. and i have accomplished nothing. and that feeling is just so frustrating.

but when i come home and lay in bed and work on physics for hours on end with kobie sleeping on my chest or shoulders, i fall in love all over again. and even though i'm frustrated and start to cry, she looks at me with those sweet light brown eyes and tries to lick the tears away, i can't help but smile and feel less frustrated. she just tugs on those little strings in my heart and makes me so happy. i got her because it was part of my new outlook - do things to make myself happy. i bought her to make myself happy. and she's done just that and so much more. i never knew i could fall in love so fast.

"all my life i've been sorry for something
something gets me nothing and nothings such a waste
all this time i've been saying i'm sorry
but why should i be sorry for all of your mistakes"

i found this quote and i figured it suited my emotions pretty well right now. yes i've been so frustrated and hurt and upset lately and i apologize all the time for it. well i'm done apologizing. it's not my fault for feeling all these feelings, there are just different events in my life that cause me to feel them. i shouldn't be sorry about them. i should embrace these emotions and learn from them.

so i'm going to end on a happy note. i love kobie. and i love my friends for being there for support and a shoulder to cry on. and i love my family for just being my family. i'm so lucky to have all these people (and my kitty) in my life. and for that, i am definitely NOT sorry.

exciting news

so today i went out and did something crazy.
i bought a kitten.
i know, i know but like i said, crazy.

her name is kobie (pronounced kobe) and she is so active, playful and so freakin adorable. she loves to give me kisses. it's sooo cute!! now there are a few problems with this whole kitten thing... 1 being that the apartment complex doesn't allow kittens (oops! lol) so we have to keep her a secret. 2 being that willie is allergic and it will be a little bit of a problem if he can't come over any more. now he was the one who told me i should go and get her and we had a little test run tonight to see how he would react with kobie around and he seemed to be ok. but we really need to do a few more test runs to see how he does. if he ends up being really allergic, poor kobie will have to find a new home :( hopefully that doesn't happen though.

ps: kobie is actually asleep on my chest right now. she's such a sweetie ♥


so my other exciting news ... well i guess i can't really call it news since it hasn't happened yet ... but i've decided to get a tattoo. i'm going to try to go monday but if it's closed (because of labor day), it will have to wait until tuesday or wednesday but i'm pretty excited/nervous. i've decided i'm going to get the chinese symbol for love (partly because of my fortune cookie saying lol) on the right indent by my hip. hopefully you know where i'm talking about but if not, i don't really know how else to explain it haha. but elizabeth and willie are going to come with me so i won't be as nervous (i'm pretty afraid of needles so i'm not sure how that's going to work...). i really hope it doesn't hurt. *fingers crossed* i've wanted a tattoo for a while now but just couldn't decide what i wanted. well i've finally decided and if i don't do it right away, i'll never end up going through with it. yay i'm pretty excited.

and another exciting thing is it's a 4 day weekend for me!! no classes tomorrow (like always!) or monday because of labor day. hope you all have a wonderful long weekend!! happy labor day!

new

so my new word for this month is new.

new school year.
new apartment.
new roommates.
new friends.
new outlook.

if you know me, you know i've had a roller coaster summer. lots of ups and downs. now i'm not complaining because it has made me a stronger person (or i hope it has, at least) and i believe everything happens for a reason so for me it was a good thing.

now i can say (with confidence, i might add) i'm starting this new school year with a new outlook. this year is about me. i know that sounds selfish but i'm focusing on my wants and needs, not anyone else's (which was part of my problem last semester and over the summer). i went to a chinese restaurant the other day and inside my fortune cookie it said "your first and last love is ... self-love." it was fate. i realized i'm never gonna be happy unless i make myself happy first.

first thing that makes me happy right now - my new apartment! i loove love love it!! the feeling of freedom is amazing. yes, i love my family and i miss them sometimes but it's nice to have a place i can call my own. i have the alone time i need but then i also have great company.

which brings me to my next happiness. my new roommates! they are awesome. we get along so well! we all really just clicked. i'm kinda the "odd man out" so to speak but that's perfectly fine with me. there is lauren, lindsay, and liz. yes all L's.... it gets confusing sometimes but we work through it lol. lauren and lindsay are on the softball team here at state and liz is on the club basketball team. so not only am i the only non-L, lauren calls me the only "normal one" because i'm not crazy enough to play a sport. haha i guess i can take that as a compliment. i don't mind being the only non-athlete. i can hold down the fort when they are all out conditioning or at games.

liz, me, lindsay, and lauren ♥

ok quick funny story: last night the girls came home from conditioning and were so soar. they didn't want to walk or even get out of bed but willie and andrew showed up with nerf guns. oh yes, for about an hour, we had a full on nerf gun/ball fight. of course lauren and lindsay had great aim so they basically pegged everything they aimed for. it was the most fun i think i've had all summer. i laughed so hard, i couldn't breath and i had tears in my eyes lol it was great. it's a miracle we didn't break anything. and so much for being soar. they sucked it up...

well i guess i'll leave it here for now. i have new classes to go to. tuesday's and thursday's are my hell days (3 classes back to back with only a 15 min break in between). and i'm not a morning person but i have to wake up around 8 on these days (which is VERY hard for me). but i'm trying to have a new outlook and be positive. i can handle it. i will go to class every day. i can do this. i will work hard. and i will earn the grades i deserve.

wish me luck!! moral support would be great. thanks guys!!

welcome to my world

so i first need to say that Veronica is my inspiration for this blog. i am a religious reader of her blog and for the entire summer i thought about starting one but decided against it because who really wants to read about my life. i mean really?! i'm so boring. but i figured it would be a good way to vent, ramble and keep everyone informed at the same time. i feel like i won't have enough to write about but i guess i won't know until i try, so here it goes...

wish me luck!! and thanks V!