what a wonderful day

it's such a wonderful day!! it snowed!!! it hasn't snowed like this in forever. it's beautiful outside. and the snow is still falling. so of course classes were canceled. which i'm perfectly fine with lol pictures will be coming soon!

and our make up assignment for the missed class was to watch the inaugural speech and write a one page paper about it. i was planning on watching it anyway since it's a monumental day so i'm not complaining. what a fantastic speech!

so like i said, what a wonderful day! our first african american president is now in office. and it's a snow day! yay!! hope everyone enjoys this great day :)

away again.

so i'm going away for MLK weekend. guess where...yup, that's right. Charlotte lol. with emma! and i'm excited. and i'm hoping i'll get to see a few friends that go to UNCC that i haven't seen in forever. it will be a great chance to clear my head and get away from all this drama. only bad thing is my little kobie is going to be away. she's staying at Veronica's. but the kids are so excited. and that makes me happy. it's amazing how my little girl can light up the faces of those adorable kids. they'll take good care of her :) they always do. so of course i'll miss her, but i'm excited for this weekend. it's gonna be a great weekend.

duh

so i'm retarted. i just needed to point that out.

i couldn't sleep last night (see post below). i didn't fall asleep until after 3am. and i couldn't figure out why. i thought i was having a panic attack. or i thought i was just thinking too much about certain things. well i figured it out. right before i went to bed, i got really thirst. and the only cold drink i had in my fridge was a dr. pepper. so i had a few swigs of that. then i brushed my teeth and got into bed. well dr. pepper, as most of you know, has caffeine in it.

mystery solved.
yeah, like i said, i'm retarted. lol

2am thoughts

it's 2am and i can't sleep. why? probably because there are way too many thoughts running through my head for this time of night. i can't stop thinking. i try to get one thought out of my head, and just as i do, another one pops in. and i've been laying in bed since 1230am. obviously, this is not good. my heart keeps racing and then slowing down.

is this a panic attack?
i have no clue.

but i feel exhausted. for whatever reason my mind won't let me get any rest. so i got on here to see if this will calm my nerves. why do i have nerves? why do i feel nervous? is it really that i feel nervous? or is it some other emotion i just can't find the word for? why do all these thoughts have to haunt me now? couldn't they have waited until tomorrow when i wake up. or if they could have come 1 or 2 hours earlier then when i laid down to sleep. so many questions, but not a lot of answers. if i get it all out, then hopefully i can lay down and fall asleep. just watching the computer screen is making my eye lids heavy. ok i guess i'll attempt to go to bed once more. and i hope this works. i need my rest. i was doing so well. i was on a really good schedule. i guess i jinxed it with my post earlier (or yesterday, if that's the way you look at it lol). ugh. i need sleep. well goodnight everyone.

left out

i've been pretty content with life. not much to complain about. i'm healthy. my family is healthy. mom and i aren't fighting. i'm spending a lot more time with my family. i got a new position at work (which will hopefully eventually lead to a raise). i'm back in school and classes seem pretty good so far. kobie is as great as ever. i have wonderful friends. i'm getting enough sleep and i'm actually sticking to a good sleeping schedule (that's one of my goals for this semester). i'm meeting a lot of new people. but there is one thing......

i feel lonely. and left out. and i just don't understand why. normally this wouldn't effect me so much or so strongly. everything is going so well, as you can see above. but for whatever reason, living with my roommates has gotten progressively worse. we got along great. up until that whole party fiasco but we cleared that up and after that things were back to normal. and i still get along with 1 of them. and the other 2 are just so busy, i barely see them. but the other night they all went to dinner....and didn't invite me. i know it's silly, but that seems to be the trend ever since we've all been back from break. they all played a board game the other night but they didn't even bother to ask me to come join.

and the sad part is, it's effecting me much more than i thought. it's gotten to the point where when i'm at the apartment all i want to do is be in my room. i don't even want to go out into the living room. the only time i come out of my room now is to go to the neighbors, when i'm making something in the kitchen or when i have friends over. i shouldn't feel that way. it's my apartment too. and i know i should confront them but i'm really bad with confrontation so i don't want to.

and then to make matters even worse, my neighbors, zach and stephen, are probably the closest friends i have here at the apartment complex, so i went over there to talk to them about it and just try to get their opinion on what i should do. they were really supportive and i went to dinner with them and their friends last night and then they invited me to on the border for dollar taco night tonight. but when i texted them to ask if we were still going, they had already gone! they didn't even ask me if i wanted to come after they had already invited me. i couldn't believe it.

it's amazing how only a few small acts can effect me this badly. i've been very content with my life...i've been moving forward head on. and then i hit this road block. i wish it didn't effect me so strongly because i hate this feeling. i'm going to charlotte this weekend with emma, so i'll have the weekend to clear my head. if this week doesn't get any better, then i'm going to say something...

i hate feeling this way :(

another GA quote

"I've heard that it’s possible to grow up, I've just never met anyone who’s actually done it. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums when things don’t go our way. We whisper secrets with our best friend, in the dark. We look for comfort where we can find it. And we hope against all logic, against all experience, like children, we never give up hope."
~ Meredith, Grey's Anatomy

i haven't been in the best of moods for the past two days, but i found another Grey's Anatomy quote that i love. i'm not in the mood to write too much more, but hope you enjoy the quote.

2009

i can't believe it's already a new year! i'm facing 2009 head on. i have high hopes. so here's to many new adventures, new friends, and new experiences!

happy 2009!!