a great role model

I keep track of Rihanna's music and always liked to see what outfit or fashion she will come out in next. But after her tragedy in February, she became more "human" and I could relate to her, as can many other girls unfortunately. Today, she is supposed to go on 20/20 and talk about what happened that awful night with Chris Brown, and for that, I have the utmost respect for her.

It's hard to talk about. And many times, it's extremely easy for outsiders looking in to say "Oh that would never happen to me. I wouldn't let it get to that point." Or other comments to that degree. Until it actually happens to you. For me, I told myself I would never fall for a guy like that, and if i did, I would leave right away if it ever came to that. And then I was put to the test.

Our relationship started off great. I fell fast and hard. I had never been this in love before. And then it turned sour. It started off as emotional abuse. Then, to mental abuse. And finally, the physical abuse came. I was so emotionally involved and mentally brain washed that I stayed. I was in love. Luckily, my case was not nearly as bad as Rihanna's but I was left with bruises. One bruise too many. Yet I stayed. I told myself it wouldn't happen again. He would love me too much for that. It is so easy to go back. Rihanna says in her interview "It's pretty easy to go back. You start lying to yourself. The physical wounds go away. You want this thing to go away. This is a memory you don't want to ever have again."

It's so true. And it's really hard to understand unless you've actually gone through it and experienced it. It's different from an outsiders perspective. I hope no one ever has to go through this, but it definitely gives you a different view of it. I again lucked out the next time he hurt me. More bruises. I stayed. And another attack. But I stayed again. Three different occasions where he hit me and left bruises. Each time I stayed.

The realization that I had to leave came when we had an argument and he took me to a field out in the middle of no where. I have never been so scared for my life, ever. I had no one to turn to, no phone to call someone, no car to get away in. It was just me and him. He was stronger than me. I knew he could tear me apart. I knew I didn't stand a chance if he hurt me. Then it clicked. It was like an out of body experience. I saw myself, stranded, afraid, and helpless. I finally pulled myself out of the situation and realized I had fallen in love with a monster. he was someone who was only hurting me and bringing me down. Again, luckily, I came out with little physical injuries. But it's still physical abuse. And emotional and mental abuse. None of which, I deserve.

I was lucky. Many other girls in the same situation aren't so lucky.

I have only seen clips from the interview so far. I plan to watch the whole thing when it comes on tonight, but there's a part in there where Rihanna says "don't react off love....f love. come out of the situation and look at it third person for what it really is and then make your decision because love is sooo blind."

This statement is sooo true. And it can be applied to any situation in a relationship, not just abuse and domestic violence. It's really hard to do this sometimes. I'm guilty, even now, of not pulling myself out of it to see what it really is. I really commend Rihanna for having the courage to speak out. Many young girls will look up to her and hear her message and hopefully it will save their lives. She's incredible, and only makes her more amazing in my eyes. She's human, just like me and you. Bad things can happen to really good people.

Rihanna, you go girl!! Thank you so much for speaking out!