the right thing.

"some think holding on is what makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go."

i sit here, almost at the end of july and i just think about how so much has changed since the spring semester ended...how i thought this summer would turn out to be so different. instead, it was a big let down. i worked my ass off for what feels like absolutely nothing. i had plans. i had goals. and all of those went straight down the drain after one measly message.

it's amazing how much you can hurt after being let down. i've held on for so long, tried to make things work for so long, that now, i feel like i've wasted my time. i know, i shouldn't look at it that way because at the time, it was what i wanted. but i was let down, big time.

so now, a week and a half away from my scheduled departure date, i think about how everything was supposed to be so different. i should be so excited i can barely concentrate on school and work right now. but i'm not. all that keeps running through my head is, why? what did i do? how can i change it? what will this trip be like now?

well it's too late now. i called the airline and cancelled my ticket. never in a million years did i think i would end up having to do that after purchasing them in june. but am i doing the right thing? is this what is best? or do i just suck it up and go? who knows, i could have the time of my life. or i could be stranded in a foreign country not knowing anyone but him. that could turn out so badly.

so i'm letting go. i'm better off, and i will be a better person after this. i can only hope that by repeating this to myself over and over i will eventually believe it....i did the right think. i hope...