new year. new you.

i say it every year. "new year, new you." i convince myself that this year i'm gonna be a better me, but as i've reflected on the past year (2010), i feel that i wasn't a better me. yes, i did better in school. and i was better at maintaining friendships, old and new. but overall, i don't think i was a better me. which is a very hard thing to admit, because i almost feel like i'm admitting to failure.

everyone always says follow what's in your heart. and most of the time i listen to that advice, but sometimes it makes more sense to follow what's in your head. your head is the more clear thinking part, where as your heart is only making you follow what you're feeling. all to often this past year, i let me emotions cloud my judgement. with one situation in particular, and i even let it continue into this year. but it stops today. i'm making sure of it. this is me being head-strong. i can do this. i'm gonna start looking at this with a clear head.

i was looking through some stuff on facebook and came across something i wrote freshman year of college. it says: "another cliche, but you have to remember what you deserve. feelings and emotions can get in the way. they can blind you. and sometimes it's really not what you want, it's onl what you think you want. it can make you think that's what you deserve. once you find what you really deserve, you'll know it. it's just a feeling..."

i was smart back then lol i let all that thinking go out last year. so this year, it's different. i will fully remember to only take what i deserve. no more wasting time with what i don't.

so new year, new me! here i come 2011. i'm ready for you!

Christmas time?

Christmas is 8 days away. 8 DAYS! I can't believe it. It still hasn't sunken in yet. Yet, I've finished all my family Christmas shopping. There's a tree up in the apartment. There's a tree at my parent's house. And when I leave work at night, I see all the Christmas lights on the houses as I drive home.

but still, it does not feel like Christmas is right around the corner. How did this happen? How did it get here so fast?! Well, I'm just gonna take it as it comes. Christmas time is my favorite part of the year. I get to spend time with my family, friends old and new, and eat really good food ;)

There's just so much to love about this season. I just wish I was more in tune this year. I think that means I need to start listening to Christmas tunes and watching FaLaLaLa Lifetime or the 25 days of Christmas on ABC Family while drinking hot chocolate to start getting into the mood.

I hope you all are feeling wonderful and cheery this holiday season. It comes and goes too fast. So enjoy it. Soak up every minute of it. And remember to tell those important people in your life how important they really are.

i'm sorry

two words that i thought i'd never hear....but all i wanted to hear.

and then i heard them. "i'm sorry." all i wished next was that the clock could be turned back and i never heard those words.

funny how the human mind works.

i haven't written in a while, and it's not because i haven't had a lot on my mind, because trust me, i have. it's just been hard. it use to be easy for me to write here, putting my feelings out there, exactly the way i felt. it was theraputic. and then for some reason, it stopped being. so i dealt with my emotions by myself. i stopped writing. well that didn't work either. so i'm gonna give this another shot.

here goes nothing.....

it's been a little over a week since i got the text. he wanted to talk. i was skeptical. i didn't like the sound of this. we hadn't talked in months. the last time i heard from him, it didn't go well. what was gonna make this time any different? but knowing me, i agreed. he wanted it to be in person, so as soon as i got off work, i drove to his house. the entire time, my heart was pounding, and all the thoughts were going through my mind. what was so important that made it have to be that night? and face to face? i had so many emotions going through my head...mad, frustrated, nervous, a little excited.

i get to his house, walk up the front steps and see his face through the glass door. my heart melts. but at the same time, i'm mad. and nervous. i walk in and follow him up the stairs. no words have been said yet. i get to his room and sit down in a chair. across from him. all i could think was how awkward this was. i use to love running into his room and jumping into the rocking chair we would share and watch football games or just talk. it made my heart sink. it made me realize how much things had changed. how different we were now. so i sit across from him, and stare at the floor. he sits down too, and i can feel his eyes watching me. but i didn't dare look up. then came his voice. "you look mad." it took everything i could not to just start screaming and yelling at him. of course i was mad. but more over, i was sad. and hurt. and upset. and heart broken. so i answered...."no kidding." in a flip comment i knew that he wouldn't appreciate.

and then it came. what i had not expected at all....what i had not prepared myself for. something i never thought i'd hear from him.

"i'm sorry"

i broke down. i couldn't handle it. the tears flowed freely. i couldn't even hide them. he rushed over, picked me up, and just held me. and let me cry. he didn't say a word. he knew i just needed to let it out. after a while, he sat me down in his lap and continued to apology for everything. i listened, didn't say a word, and let the tears still roll. he wiped them away occasionally, but he understood. he knew he had hurt me. and it was bad. when i was finally able to compose myself, we talked. for a long time. i was allowed to ask questions, and he answered them. he let me talk while he listened. sometimes i yelled. and he still listened. everything went exactly how i could have pictured it. it was perfect. the perfect apology.

sounds like the perfect way to start up again after the worst end, right? pretty much how the romantic movie would end...as the couple makes up and runs off into the sunset together.

well that's not how this one ended. of course, because my life is not a movie. it ended with me going home, alone. and him still with his girlfriend, happily ever after (but not really).

now, as the days pass, all i can think is how i wish i had never heard those words. i was happy living my life hating him. moving on because i hadn't talked to him in months. slowly, i was beginning to think of him less and less. miss him less and less. and then this happens. i'm back to square one. missing him. loving him even after everything. and wanting him back. even after everyting. who knew those two little words could cause so much feeling.

so now as i sit here, i wish he had never apologized. i wish i had never heard those two words come out of his mouth. i wish that he had never admitted to me that he made a mistake. he's not happy. i could see it in his eyes. he forgets that i've known him too long not to know the truth.

his intentions were good, and i know that he never meant to hurt me more. but that's exactly what happened.

so that's where i'm at right now. i was moving on. i was doing well. i was finally ok with not having him in my life. i take 5 steps forward. then two words drag me back 10 giant steps. so i dont know what to do. except hope that eventually this feeling goes away.

the right thing.

"some think holding on is what makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go."

i sit here, almost at the end of july and i just think about how so much has changed since the spring semester ended...how i thought this summer would turn out to be so different. instead, it was a big let down. i worked my ass off for what feels like absolutely nothing. i had plans. i had goals. and all of those went straight down the drain after one measly message.

it's amazing how much you can hurt after being let down. i've held on for so long, tried to make things work for so long, that now, i feel like i've wasted my time. i know, i shouldn't look at it that way because at the time, it was what i wanted. but i was let down, big time.

so now, a week and a half away from my scheduled departure date, i think about how everything was supposed to be so different. i should be so excited i can barely concentrate on school and work right now. but i'm not. all that keeps running through my head is, why? what did i do? how can i change it? what will this trip be like now?

well it's too late now. i called the airline and cancelled my ticket. never in a million years did i think i would end up having to do that after purchasing them in june. but am i doing the right thing? is this what is best? or do i just suck it up and go? who knows, i could have the time of my life. or i could be stranded in a foreign country not knowing anyone but him. that could turn out so badly.

so i'm letting go. i'm better off, and i will be a better person after this. i can only hope that by repeating this to myself over and over i will eventually believe it....i did the right think. i hope...

saying goodbye

it has been a month since i got the news...

my mom called me as i was on my way home from class. she told me to call her back when i got to my apartment. i thought it was strange but i agreed. as soon as i walked in, i dialed her back. she then told me that my aunt had passed away. i sank right into my bed, tears streaming down my face, my body shaking. i wasn't ready to hear this news. i wasn't expecting it so soon.

in march, my aunt had been diagnosed with lung and throat cancer. the prognosis wasn't looking good. in april, the doctor's told us she would probably have a year left. i feel bad for anyone who has to hear news like that, but my aunt had three children (ages 18, 16, and 8) and their mother was the only one they had. on top of that, my aunt and i hadn't spoken in over a year. when my mom called to tell me this horrible news back in april, i told her that i needed to make peace with her before she passed. i didn't want things to end on bad terms, especially after some great childhood memories involving her.

growing up, she was my favorite aunt. i had many sleepovers and cookouts over her house. and the chocolate cloud dessert she made was to die for. she made it specially for me any time i was planning on coming over, and if it was a last minute visit, we would run to the grocery store for the ingredients to make. and that laugh of hers, so high pitched and loud, but from the heart. i needed to hear it one last time. i needed to see her at least one last time. so mom and i made plans to leave for New Jersey on June 18th.

i got the phone call a month ago, today. June 17th. it was too late.

in the last month i've done a lot of thinking. during the first week after the phone call, there were tons of emotions going through my head. i felt guilty because of the way things ended. i was mad because i didn't get a chance to say what i needed. i was sad because i was too late. i didn't get to say goodbye. i didn't get to tell her i loved her.

so here is what i've learned from this experience: don't go to bed angry. never let things end badly. always make sure you tell someone how you feel. in the event that something bad happens, god forbid, then you will never have to doubt that that person didn't know exactly how you felt. i didn't get the chance to tell my aunt that even though things were rocky towards the end that i still loved her and had some unforgettable memories that i will cherish forever. don't let that happen to you. all i can do now is pray that she knew how much i really did love her and that i would never forget her.

RIP Aunt DeDe...i'm sorry i didn't get to say goodbye :'(

i told you so.

my absolute least favorite saying of the english language: "i told you so." and right now, i'm so sick of hearing it. i'll be the first to admit that i hate to admit when i'm wrong. but who does? no one wants to put their faults out where everyone can see them. and mostly, they are afraid that they will be told "i told you so." it's a really painful saying and i really don't understand what the point of it is...just to make you feel worse? well that's what i feel like right now. i make mistakes. i'm human. and right now, i don't need to be told "i told you so." because that's not helping my situation, it's only making it worse. i did something that, right now, i can't decide if i should think of as a mistake. i did what my heart told me to at the time, and now it's backfiring. my heart is torn. so many people told me not to do it, but i went ahead and did it anyway because, like i said, i followed my heart. but now, i need to follow my head because my heart has let me down. but it makes it worse when i hear "i told you so" because it only makes me want things to work out in my benefit more so i can turn around and say "i told you so" back to all those telling me that now. i guess i just have to wait and see how this pans out. i want to believe i didn't make a mistake and in the end, i will be happy, but who knows. this next week is going to be an emotionally tough one, but it's something that i need. one week. and i will have an answer. it will either be me telling everyone else "i told you so" .....or it will be everyone else still telling me "i told you so" and it will kill me. but i will keep my head up and stay strong because that's how i need to be.

don't hold back.

well, i thought v was my only blog reader, but turns out, that's not the case. i'm ok with that though. i'm not ashamed of anything i put on here, otherwise i would not write it down. it's my thoughts. my feelings. my place to just let go. i don't hold anything back. and i need that every once in a while since my life is so stressful. my mom always says to be careful about what i write about especially on the internet because it will come back to bite me in the ass...but my feeling is that everything happens for a reason. i may cause things that i didn't want or express feelings i didn't want other people to know, but if they find out, then it was meant to happen. holding back gets you no where in life. which is why i'm a firm believer that if you want something bad enough, do everything you can to get it. if you get it, great. and if it doesn't happen, don't think of it as "wasted time", think of it as a lesson learned and that it didn't work out because something better will come along.

so all i can do in my situation right now is keep trying until i know there is nothing left to do, and only then will i let go.

"you never lose by loving. you always lose by holding back."

MIA

I have been MIA...I know, I haven't written lately. It's not that I don't want to, beacuse I do. I have so many thoughts running through my head and things I want to share, but I just don't have the time. Since Anthony has left, I have been running around non-stop. After he left, finals came so I was studying and writing papers constantly. The last final arrived and literally right after that, I left for Florida with Elizabeth. I spent nine days in the beautiful sunshine state experiencing her hometown and a few other beautiful places. Then I flew home and the cacous didn't stop. I started working full time at State Farm and then worked a few nights at my other job. A week later, summer class started so my days consisted of class in the morning, State Farm in the afternoon, and my other job at night. I think about it now, and not that I'm saying that it's a good thing that Anthony is gone, but I have been so busy that I wouldn't have ever been able to see him much even if he was here. And i've been so busy, that it keeps my mind off of it a little bit, so that's a good thing.

I don't get much sleep and I'm always tired, but it's ok. This time last summer, I was stressing about how I would get all my bills paid since it was the first time I had really been on my own with major responsiblities. I was living paycheck to paycheck. This year, I was smarter and planned ahead. Each paycheck, I would put money aside for the bills I knew I would have in the coming summer months, so when May rolled around and rent and car insurance were due, I had it ready. Which was why I was able to take a few days off from both jobs to go down to Florida and enjoy myself. Last year, I could have never afforded that.

So now I have a new goal. Buying a plane ticket to Finland. My bills are covered. I'm working 2 jobs. Might as well spend the money on something that I really want, which is to go visit my man. Finland doesn't sound all that exciting, to be quite honest, but if I get to go over there and spend time with him and get to support him while he's doing what he loves, then I'm gonna go for it. Some people called me crazy and told me not to, but I'm doing it. It's something I really want. It's something that even if we don't work out in the end, I really don't think I'll regret. It's a once in a lifetime oppourtunity. Who in the world would ever think to go to Finland, and what other time would I ever be able to go there and for what purpose...so since I have a purpose, the funds, and the time, I'm gonna do it. So working 2 jobs is exhausting, yes, but it will pay off in the end!

see you later

so there's this guy....

...and he kind of has my heart

he has since May of 2009 when we first met. He just didn't know it. He was different then most guys I had met, and over the coming year, I would learn that he really was much different...in good ways and bad. Our relationship has been an absolute roller coaster. He went to school in Virginia so when I first met him, I knew he would be leaving soon. but then I learned he would graduate in December and be back home. From the day we met, we've talked every day with a rare exception of a day here and there. In August, he left for school and it was hard to say goodbye because I really enjoyed our movie nights or random late night talks. I didn't know if that would continue while he was gone since he played football so I knew he would be super busy. The next few months were filled with wondering whether I should wait around for him because I didn't know if he really liked me or not. but for some reason, my gut told me to wait for him, so I did.

He came home after graduation and things were going well until one day he started to seem distant and I didn't understand why so i finally asked him. He then informed me that in May he would leave for Finland because he had gotten a contract to play football there. He told me that it wasn't fair to me to wait around while he got his life figured out and it was best if we didn't see each other. So after being upset and sad, I agreed. I felt it was the right thing to do, so I just accepted it. That lasted about two weeks until he just couldn't stay away any longer. He told me he still had feelings for me but didn't know what to do because he was leaving. I said that we should just play it out until he left. It couldn't hurt. So we agreed and things were back to being great between us. We had our daily conversations, I saw him at least once a week (with both our work schedules, it was almost impossible to find time to actually see each other), and the feelings began to grow stronger.

Up until last week, things have been as good as they could be with his looming departure date. But then this past week, he started pulling away. Our conversations turned into one word answers back and fourth and we barely saw each other. I was starting to get really upset and couldn't understand it....until yesterday, when I realized this was his way to help himself from not hurting. Him leaving was hurting him just as much as it was hurting me but our ways of coping with it were very different. I was trying to pull closer to spend as much time as possible with him while he was pulling away so it wouldn't hurt as bad.

Last night was supposed to be my last night with him. it was the most intimate time i have ever spent with him. and i don't mean in the sexual way. we spent the night crying together, laughing together, smiling, and in silence, all happening at the right times and both of us understanding exactly what the other needed at that time. he finally fell asleep in the wee hours of the morning but I didn't. I just couldn't. I wanted to soak up every last minute I had with him, so I watched him sleep. I layed in his arms and listened to his breaths and heart beat. it's exactly what I needed. when this morning came, it was the hardest thing I've had to do in a while. saying goodbye. but I kept telling him, this is not goodbye, this is see you later. we cried some more and held each other close until i finally got in my car and drove away. i cried the entire drive to class. and in class. and after class.

then i got a text message from him. it read "i hope you know i'm really gonna miss you." and it set off the crying once again. i knew he would, but hearing it makes it that much better but worse at the same time because i'm not ready for him to leave. and then he told me he needed just one more night with me. so tonight, i will go lay with him and watch him sleep again because i know that as tired as I am, I will not get any sleep because tomorrow is it. he leaves. for four and a half months. and not just a few hours away...the otherside of the world away. it's going to be hard, but I'm going to stick it out because he means that much to me. and i hope he knows that.

unforgettable birthday

my streak of bad birthdays has FINALLY been broken. my 21st birthday was the most unforgettable of them all. this week of celebrations has been great and now i just can't wipe this smile off my face. everyone keeps telling me being 21 will get old fast so i'm just gonna enjoy it while i can.

my family is awesome!!


my friends are awesome!!


i couldn't ask for anything more :)

5 days

the build up for my birthday is beginning. the countdown is on. (5 dayssss!) and i'm getting very excited. 21. it's a BIG DEAL. but as the excitement is growing, so is the pit at the bottom of my stomach.

i want to be excited for my birthday. i really do. but i can't help but think how disappointed i have been for the last 4 years with my birthdays. i love birthdays. i love celebrating. some people dread them. i'm not one of those people. i have a countdown going starting in january. i look forward to my birthday all the time. but every year i've been disappointed. some event has occurred to cause me to not enjoy my birthday to the fullest extent. even though i've had such bad experiences, i'm always optimistic.

so this is me being optimistic. my birthday is coming up!!! and i CAN NOT wait :)) i really hope i'm not disappointed this year. i mean it's 21...how can it be?! let's hope i'm rightttt!

numb

Gone are the days of my happy refreshed self. I wish they would have lasted longer. Or I wish I had the strength to make myself feel that way. But I can't. Especially when I'm in pain. Not physical pain - emotional pain.

Today I am numb. I sit here at work emotionless because I don't really know what to think. I have a flood of emotions and then it just stops. I want to cry, scream, pout, laugh, and then cry again. The worst part about it is that I know that I'm better off. And I think that's what hurts the most.

I will be ok. Eventually. Everything will work out. But today, it hurts. Yesterday, it hurt. And tomorrow it will hurt. But hopefully less. As each day passes, I pray that it gets easier and I have the strength to know that this was meant to be. I am better off. And I will come to realize this, in time. It just takes time.

mood poem

I have been student teaching in a 4th grade class all week. In Language Arts, they are talking about poetry and today the focus was mood poetry. Each student had to write a mood poem with a given structure. I wanted to give it a try too, especially since I've been filled with so many moods lately...so here is mine:

I am strong.
Not bench 300 pounds strong.
Not run 5 miles strong.
Not move heavy boxes around strong.

Strong!
I am strong-willed and able to speak my mind with no regrets.
I am strong, independent and able to be myself without feeling ashamed.
I'm proud to be strong.

refreshed

I have been a slacker. But only in the blog world. In the real world i have been a busy bee. I really haven't had time to sit down and just write what has been on my mind or what has been going on. So quick update on my life:

• My little sister turned 11. I can't believe it! Time is flying by...
  
• Spring Break occurred last week. I went to Atlantis in the Bahamas which was incredible.
• I had a really stressful week full of school work before spring break, and it looks like the load hasn't lightened any now that I'm back
• I got a second job so I am keeping busy with that too. It's a lot of fun and I'm glad I got it but it's exhausting.

As for how I have been feeling lately:

• Happy
• Relaxed
• Sunburned
• Exhausted
  
• Stressed
• Cuddly
• Grateful
  
• Happy

Yes, now that I am back from spring break I am stressed and running around like a chicken with it's head cut off...this week is my student teaching week and I'm teaching 3 lessons plus all the homework that is due for the following week...but the vacation was a much needed escape from the real world for a little while. I didn't have a phone or internet while I was gone which is a VERY rare occasion considering my phone is normally attached to my hip and I check Facebook at least twice a day. But it was nice to be cut off from the world for a while. I wasn't worried about people not texting or what was going on in the Facebook world. I was focused on relaxing, sleeping in, catching some rays, and more relaxing. Now that I am home, it has given me a new look on my stressful next few weeks. I'm still smiling and I feel relaxed even though I know I have so much to do. I can't help but be happy.

Maybe I should try this "cut myself off from the world" thing more often because it sure did give me a lot of time to reflect and relax. It allowed me to look at situations in my life and realize that as bad as I thought I had it, it could be worse. That sure is a calming feeling. And I like it.

Ohh how I wish I could be back on the clear blue water and white sand beaches right now watching the sunset. Instead I have a paper to write, but it's ok. I'm happy. I'm smiling. And I feel great.

I hope everyone gets to feel this feeling at least once in their life. It is definitely refreshing.

pretty in pink

my roommates are absolutely awesome this year. just awesome.

Brianna turned 21 on Tuesday, February 9th but couldn't go out because she had so many tests that week. so Friday night, me and the girls took her out to dinner and then went to the club.

Fubar was having a Pretty in Pink party so we all dressed up in pink and black. We looked cute, if I do say so myself!

I know the owner so he hooked us up with a few free shots ;)


Free pole dancing lessons were available from 9 to 10:30 so we made sure to get there early and try it out. and man was it a work out! my thighs were killing me the next day! who knew pole dancing was actually exercise?!

we danced the rest of the night away!

so funny story: we learned a routine on the stage that you can use for pole dancing so the girls and I decided to do it in front of the whole club. Well of course that was a huge success to all the guys watching. We even had a guy offer to take pictures for us with Brianna's camera.


Then these other two girls joined us on stage and started dancing...


but apparently the DJ didn't like that too much because he came over the loud speaker for the whole club to hear and said "the ladies in the pink and the black...you can move to the bar. the other girls need to get down." OUCH!

So we moved to the bar...just us 4 girls :)


we finally got off the bar and danced some more

but then Lauren ripped her pants when she got too low


so we had to leave a little earlier than planned. but we still had a great time. we each got a few shots and I think the birthday girl ended up having quite a few. she was feelin pretty good. then came the after party at our apartment. girls night was over...time to invite the guys over. so Lauren's boyfriend, Olivia's boyfriend, some of my guy friends, and one of Brianna's guy friends came over to help us continue the celebration. we danced some more and then jammed out to Backstreet Boys and Britney Spears. Classic. lol

overall it was a very successful night.
this is why i love my roommates.
we're pretty in pink ;)

vday

Well of course it had to snow Friday night so I didn't get my Valentine's Day weekend with my uncle as planned. I stayed in Raleigh which made me very disappointed. But overall it was an ok weekend. We went out for my roommates 21st birthday on Friday which was a blast. More details and pictures to come...

I just wanted to wish everyone a very Happy Valentine's Day. I'm spending my evening with my valentines...my kitties :)

They were giving each other kisses. How sweet!

feel the love

So February is probably my least favorite month...for one, it's shorter, so I make less money because I work less hours (which means less money for spring break, duh! lol). And two, it's known as the "month of love." Well as many of you all know, I'm alone and therefore don't have anyone to share the special month with. Or so I normally view this month when I'm single.

But this year, I'm taking a new approach.

I'm not alone this year! Yes, I'm still single. For the second year in a row, I might add. There is no "special someone." But I'm ok with that because I'm NOT alone. I'm surrounded by people who love me. I have awesome friends who I enjoy spending time with. My immediate family always loves me. I have extended family who shower me with their love as well. So this year, I'm not staying home and feeling sorry for myself that I have no one...not that I did that last year either lol... but I have plans for this year. Plans filled with lots of LOVE. I will be going out to dinner in Charlotte on Saturday night with Elizabeth and Uncle Paul. They are my dates because they are people who I love very dearly. Then on Sunday, my cousins, aunt, and uncle from Connecticut are coming down to visit so I will be spending actual Valentine's Day with my family and some extended family.

See, I will NOT be alone. I am NOT alone. I will be surrounded by love. And I'm perfectly content with that ♥

the power of a thank you

I was on Facebook the other day and as I checked my friend Adam's profile I noticed he had written a new note. He is an awesome writer and I always enjoy reading his notes. He usually posts them on his blog as well but the one I want to talk about isn't on there, unfortunately.

It is about hand-written notes. Here is an exert from it:

The hand-written thank you note can be used not only for occasions like post-interview follow-ups but in personal lives as well. Test this on yourself. Imagine yourself looking through the mail (physical mail, not your e-mail). You have a stack of envelopes; you can probably assume that 65% will be advertisements and promotions that will be trashed immediately, 30% may be bills or other important documents or reminders, and if you’re lucky you may get the occasional postcard from a relative who is visiting Germany. Whenever you get postcards or even typed notes sent via snail mail, it almost feels like a holiday and will more than likely make you smile knowing that that person took the time to do that. The truth is that in this digital day in age, we are sending most all of our personal greetings electronically due to convenience, speed, and cost saving. Of course, why spend nearly 50 cents on a message that will take a day or two to arrive when we can send that same message instantly for free? Hence, the hand-written letter, which was once very practical in worldwide culture, has become obsolete. It essentially has become a lost art.
~ Adam Peter Shinn

This is so sad and so true...the art of hand-written letters is disappearing fast. I was lucky and my parents raised me well because I learned that after receiving a gift, it is appreciated by the giver to receive a thank you note. So after every birthday and Christmas, thank you notes are hand written and mailed to the giver. At this point, I feel like they are almost expected now around these occasions but just recently I was able to witness first hand what a hand-written thank you card can really do. It shows your profound appreciation as well as makes the givers day a little brighter.

After going to Utah, I was going to send Elizabeth's mom a thank you card for allowing me to take such an amazing trip. Since she was coming to Raleigh only a few days after we arrived back in Raleigh, I decided to just hand it to her personally. Her reaction made me realize that I want to make sure to never forget to write a hand written note every once in a while. She was so shocked, surprised and appreciative for the note. She told me it was one of the nicest things someone has done for her in a long time and never expected it. Whether she meant it or not, the fact that she really expressed her appreciation made me feel good inside. It made me remember why I write these letters in the first place.

So next time you want to send a quick email to catch up with an old friend, how about a hand-written note instead? Just an idea...it could brighten someone's day.

dreary friday

It's Friday. And normally I would be very excited by that. But today it is cold and rainy. I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. And sitting here at work makes me want my bed even more. I hate these types of days. They seem to drag on forever. And I'm not feeling productive so I'm not really getting anything done, which makes me wonder why I left my bed this morning in the first place. Oh well, now that I'm here, might as well just make it through the rest of the day and then go home to enjoy my warm cozy bed.

I think tonight calls for hot chocolate, sweat pants, a romantic movie, cuddling with my kitties, and some chocolate ice cream. Sounds like a perfect way to spend a cold rainy night. But wow does that make me sound like an old lady! lol I'm in college...I should be warming up by drinking alcohol and partying...but tonight, I'm just not feeling it. Yes, that is kind of out of the norm for me, but that's ok. Everyone needs a day of rest every once in a while. Oh and by the way, it's supposed to snow again tomorrow starting at noon. Greattt, more snow! Actually this does excite me. I love snow! But at the same time, it kind of gets me down since I'm supposed to be going to Charlotte tomorrow for a friend's birthday and there is no way I'm gonna drive in the snow or freezing rain. My car is not equipped to handle ice, which is what I'm most afraid of. I could most likely handle driving in the snow. But I guess we'll just have to play that by ear...

But anyway, how is your Friday going?

PS: I've decided this is the kind of dog I want when I get married. So future husband, wherever you are, just know this is what you'll be buying me eventually ;) ok, thanks.

"blizzard" of 2010

I never believe the North Carolina weather forecast because 9 times out of 10, it's wrong. So when the weather report called for snow Friday and Saturday, I didn't get my hopes up. But as the old wives tale goes, 11 days after a thunderstorm in winter, it will snow...and sure enough, it was right. It started snowing around 6pm on Friday and didn't stop til Saturday afternoon. Then it turned to sleet and freezing rain. So we got about 3-4 inches of snow, and an inch or so of ice. What a great way to start off the weekend!!

I woke up Saturday morning to a beautiful blanket of white snow. In our breezeway, a part of it was covered in snow so I decided to do a little experiment. I took the kitties out in the snow. Kobie was first. She didn't really know how to react but she pawed at it for a little bit before running towards the door to go back in. Piper, well she was less adventurous. She wouldn't even let me put her down. So lesson of the experiment: kitties do not like snow lol

But I sure do!! I didn't go anywhere and wasn't going to brave the roads. Most of the day consisted of lounging in sweat pants, drinking hot chocolate, napping, and catching up on tv. That night we decided to have a few people over to play some drinking games. After a while, we wanted to go sledding. Problem: we are not equipped for heavy snow so we had no sleds. Solution: cooking trays...our cookie sheet and our pizza tray. lol it was actually pretty successful and we had a lot of fun but we did learn that the pizza tray works way better than the cookie sheet.

Here is a video of Olivia trying to go down the hill on the cookie sheet:

After a while, the trays were a little bent, and we were worn out and a bit chilly, so we headed in and called it a night. Sunday was spent much like Saturday - sleeping in, lounging, and drinking hot chocolate. Then the announcement came...Wake County schools closed Monday. I knew it was coming because the roads were so icy. Since I was supposed to spend this entire week in the elementary school observing and helping out in my 4th grade class, I lucked out and got the day off too. So Sunday night Olivia, Joey, and I went on a hunt for more hills to sled on. Only this time we weren't equipped with cooking trays...we had the sun shield that you use in your car window to keep the sun out. It works much much better than cooking trays lol and we found our new hill. The conditions weren't as good as the night before though because we had gotten so much freezing rain during the day. So the snow was pretty frozen, which made for a painful ride if you hit a big chunk of snow.

This "winter storm" has been pretty fun. I am getting sick of being stuck in the house though which is why I forced myself to go to work for a few hours today. But Wake County schools are closed again tomorrow...for the 3rd day in a row. So it looks like I'm going back to work again for a few hours. Gotta love NC and how they handle snow! lol and now they're calling for snow again Saturday. Now this time, I'm really not getting my hopes up.